An Historic Event! Maybe

I am heading out backpacking in about an hour, so I won't get the pleasure of seeing or commentating on tonight's special broadcast on the Work of Salvation. I keep hearing speculation of some big announcement or some big policy change.

I think we'll be underwhelmed. Here's my reasoning.

1. The ward councils are specifically invited.
2. The missionary force is about to increase by about 30,000 bodies.
3. We're sending out the first batch of new mission presidents with these new missionaries

My guess is that there will be a lot of focus on how to make the most of the increased missionary force.  And the principles emphasized will be the same principles that have been emphasized for the last 30 years.  Namely, the missionary effort won't succeed unless the membership are involved.  I think we'll hear new platitudes and sound bites that will get repeated ad nauseum for the next 4-5 years until it's decided that these sound bites aren't creating the desired effect so we need new sound bites. (lather, rinse, repeat).

I'd love to be wrong.  I'd love to hear an announcement of some kind of a program like the one I dreamed of here.  But I'm not holding my breath.  Instead, I think we'll hear more about the same model we've been using for the past century, and we'll continue to get disappointing returns (see here for a crude analysis of what may happen with the expanded missionary force).

If I'm wrong, however, you'll have a whole week to bash on me without any retaliation.  Enjoy it.  Have fun.  I'll be having the time of my life.

The Mormon Persecution Complex and the FDA

Nothing in the world makes a Mormon happier than being persecuted.  Persecution, to a Mormon, is complete validation of their world view--which is succinctly described as Mormons vs. "the world¹."  Our persecution complex has a rich tradition dating back to the 1820 when Joseph Smith had his first vision; and it encompasses the expulsions from Ohio, Missouri, and Illinois².  Being persecuted is a defining characteristic of Mormonism, and you aren't truly living the religion if you aren't being persecuted.

One of the more recent persecution narratives I've heard hasn't gotten a lot of play (thankfully) and is centered around food storage.  The Church maintains a network of canneries and distribution centers where members may go to purchase dry goods in bulk and them can them into #10 cans for convenient storage.  If you like having a food supply (and Mormons are encouraged to maintain a 3 month food supply in case of emergency or economic hardship), these canneries are really quite a blessing.

However, it was announced earlier this year that at most of these canneries, the option to buy in bulk and can the product yourself would no longer be available.  Instead, you would be able to buy the pre-canned goods (at the same price as packing them yourself, it turns out).

It didn't take long for the conspiracy theories to surface. "Government Regulation cause LDS canning facilities to SHUT DOWN" and "BREAKING NEWS: LDS Canneries Halt Canning!"  If you really want to enjoy yourself, read the comments.  I half expect to see someone write "you can have my #10 cans when you pry them from my cold, dead hands."

Now, I can accept that there may be new or upcoming regulations that make it infeasible to host a facility that allows volunteers to come pack their own food.  Let's face it, you don't have the same kind of influence over volunteers that you have over employees.  And no one wants to face the penalties of failing to meet regulations because a volunteer doesn't want to wear a hair net.  But I have a really hard time buying into the idea that the government is targeting LDS canneries.

I didn't think this story had spread beyond the 4.2%³ of Mormons who might actually use the canneries⁴, so I wasn't too concerned with following it.  I pretty much just rolled my eyes and moved on.  Until someone showed me this statement from the LDS Church.  It starts off saying "Over the past several weeks, misinformation and unnecessary concern has been circulating on blogs, over social media channels and by email regarding changes in operations at the Church’s home storage centers."

It would seem that this nonsense was widespread enough for the Church to issue a response to stamp out the persecution complex.  The Church gives five solid reasons for the decision to discontinue self-canning.  Only one of these four mentions federal regulations, and does so in passing.  The statement says the decision was made, in part, because "It is much more costly to maintain and upgrade facilities that must meet food production standards (such as in a self-canning operation) than it is to maintain a facility that simply distributes pre-canned and prepackaged food."  Keep in mind, the Church operates 101 of these facilities.  Upgrading them is pretty expensive.  Centralizing the canning and distributing the product makes a lot of economic sense.

Anyway, you might notice a few more sad Mormons today now that they are facing just a little bit less persecution.  So it would be swell if you could go the extra mile to brighten up a Mormon's day by offering them some added persecution.




¹See also the figurative use of "Babylon"
²My wife reminded me that early Mormons were also driven out of New York, to which I immediately responded, "oh, sorry to downplay your history of persecution!"
³ This is one of those statistics that is accurate by virtue of being made up. I have eighty seven references to back me up on that.
⁴ People in my ward will probably welcome the change, actually. The last few organized trips to the cannery received a lot of orders and very few volunteers to actually go do the work. Little Red Hen, anyone?

The Value of Mentors

When Mormons are planning to move, they sometimes do what we call "ward shopping."  They will visit the area they are moving to and attend several of the wards in the area.  The intent is to find a ward that they like, and in which they think they will be comfortable¹. The criteria for the search seem to vary a little by the age of the people searching.  A lot of the people who move into our ward are in their mid to late 20's and choose this ward for a mixture of the proximity to the hospitals, the school systems, and the fact that there are so many young (mid to late 20's) adults in our ward.  A lot of the people who visit and then choose the neighboring ward are in their mid to late 30's and are looking for a ward with lots of youth (age 12-18).

I really wish more people between 40 and 60 would move into our ward.

When I was the clerk, I once did a statistical summary of our ward.  I found that the median age of adults in the ward was about 27.  Being 29, at the time, I found that I was in the 60th percentile.  The 75th percentile was 32.

Let me tell you a little secret about people in their mid to late 20's.  Come closer so that not too many people hear it.  Alright...just a little closer.

People in their mid to late 20's really don't know what they're doing when trying to run a ward.

There, I said it.  And I believe it.  For the most part, the early to mid-20's crowd just doesn't have the hands-on experience of any kind of leadership to be trying to manage an congregation of 200 - 250 people.  In my experience working with seven bishopric counselors, I don't think that the early 30's group is much better.  Which is why I really wish we had more people between 40 and 60 in the ward.  We would all benefit from a few more mentors.

Without question, my best years in this ward were when I was the clerk.  I attribute a lot of that to the fact that I had a mentor in my bishop.  I was also blessed to have the mentorship of another couple in the ward who were so good at pointing out the larger picture of making a ward work.  And I have benefitted enormously from the mentorship of several people in my scout troop.

I realize as I sit here writing this that I can't pinpoint very many concrete things that I've learned from my mentors.  But that's kind of the point of a mentor.  Mentors guide, influence, and inspire.  You learn from them by being around them and watching how they respond to situations that you've never encountered before.  You grow under their care until suddenly you find yourself confidently bearing burdens that would have crushed you years before.

So let me say thank you to those who have mentored me into the person I am today.  I'm not quite ready to take on all of the challenges I think my life will put before me.  But I think I'm close, and I know I've gotten here a lot faster because of their mentorship.  Without them, I wouldn't have reached this level of maturity and confidence for another 15 years.  So thank you.

Unfortunately, mentors are becoming harder and harder to find.  Two of my mentors moved away this summer.  Due to a boundary change, one of my mentors now attends a different ward.  The new parents coming into my scout troop are increasingly becoming closer to my peers than they are my mentors.  And it appears that we all may lose one of my most precious mentors in the coming year.

I'm not ready for this.

I fear that the one lesson I really need to learn is one that they can't teach me.  That lesson is how to continue on without them around.  Tell me, how am I supposed to continue getting better without someone showing me the way?

Cherish your mentors people.  They disappear to quickly.  And the places they filled in your hearts are very hard to fill.


¹ LDS wards are assigned geographical boundaries and members are strongly encouraged (almost required) to attend the ward in which they live.

Learning Empathy for Those Offended by Proxy Baptisms

I came across an interesting course of thought on an LDS Internet forum recently. Members of the forum were comparing the LDS priesthood ban from Those of African descent to the Church's policy that Jews and especially holocaust victims should not have their names submitted for proxy baptism in Mormon temples.

The argument was that in each case, the Church was denying eternal blessings from a group of people based on race. So, if you are outraged by the priesthood ban, then you should be outraged by not being allowed to do proxy baptisms for deceased Jews.

The argument fails on further inspection--the policy regarding proxy baptism is that only direct descendants may submit names of deceased Jews and holocaust victims. The truth of the matter is that the rule has always been that you should only submit names of your own ancestors, regardless of ethnicity. The rule just never got enforced until the rule breakers brought on bad publicity. Such is the normal behavior of large organizations.

So should I be outraged that the Church won't let me baptize your dead ancestors? I really don't see why I should be. I think it is extremely reasonable and respectful to let you decide what happens with your ancestors' legacy.

But still, there seems to be a vein in Mormon culture that thinks your offense at our baptizing your ancestors is out of line.  Among the reasons given:

• Not allowing us to baptize any dead person infringes on our right to practice our religion.
• We aren't forcing the dead to be Mormon, we're giving them the option^1.
• If you don't recognize the authority of the Mormon church, then why does it matter?
• If Mormonism does turn out to be true, then we're doing them a favor.

The problem with these reasons is that they are all culturally-centric and culturally-selfish.  It can be really difficult to explain what it is exactly that's so troubling to people about their ancestors being baptized by proxy in our temples.

The truth is, I really don't know how to explain it.  But I can give you a demonstration of how people feel when we baptize their ancestors without their consent.  I present to you All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay.

But be warned, you might be offended by that website.  To put it in perspective, even I was offended by it².

For those of you who don't want to click the link, I can summarize it for you. The website proclaims that "many Mormons throughout history have died without having known the joys of homosexuality. With your help, these poor souls can be saved."  All you need to do is enter the name of a dead Mormon, press the convert button, and congratulations! You've just made a Mormon gay for eternity.  "No take-backs!"  The site even has a helpful feature where, if you don't don't know any dead Mormons, you can press a button and the site will link to Family Search and randomly select a dead Mormon for you.

How do you feel now?

That's why we don't baptize people's ancestors without their consent--because we shouldn't be doing anything that makes people feel like that.




¹ By LDS doctrine, this is actually true. We don't believe that a proxy baptism makes a person Mormon. We believe that a baptism by the proper authority needs to be performed for every person who ever lived, but each individual is free to accept of decline that baptism. That fact, however, doesn't make it any less emotionally upsetting to people who don't subscribe to Mormonism.
² Don't get me wrong. I laughed and immediately appreciated the satire. But yes, it was offensive.

Slingshots Done Right Are......

SIX FEET TALL!

To motivate the scouts to learn their lashings, we promised them a campout building giant sling shots.  What you see above is the fruit of their labors.  We had four patrols each build a sling shot, and then they had competitions for distance and accuracy.  In case you're interested, we were able to fire bean bags over 100 yards.  It was awesome!

The design of the sling shot is pretty simple.  It's just a couple of A-frames connected by three cross pieces.  We used rubber tubing for the band and duct tape for the baskets.  Just stake down the apparatus really well and you're good to go.

When the competition was done, we let them have some free time firing things off.  The bean bags weren't fun to try and catch, but the rubber duckies, water balloons, and footballs were popular.  We are hoping to come up with some kind of a game to play at summer camp to demonstrate the awesomeness of our sling shots.

You can see more pictures here.